lyrics:

Last week I took 1 milligram of anti-prostate cancer medicine for 6 days in a row.

Propecia prevents the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT) in the body.

It shrinks your prostate and maybe your dick but I didn’t care because I was able to keep my hair this way but after 4 days I was walking around like a side effects zombie.

I was watching
Stranger Things

Season 2 when I realized my brain had sort of slowed down. I called Spinach Spaghetti and the other way around.

I paused episode 3, the one where Will is sitting in the car with Bob telling him to face his fears.

Before getting up, oh I clearly remember, I saw my black circled eyes half drugged self-reflection in my MacBook screen and I started laughing a laugh that sounds like a guy who took Propecia because he’s too scared to deal with life in another way and now he felt like death going out to get some groceries.

The Upside Down,
I was there,
Supermarket,
Products for your hair.

Teenage girls,
Normally I’d feel depressed
but this time I just soullessly walked by with a mushy courgette in my hand which sadly made me think of the side effects of this drug I was experiencing.

And I came home, put some soup in a pot and I turned the gas on to warm it up and walked to the living room to watch the remaining 35 minutes of episode 3 in a haze.

And I saw all those actors and I felt so out of place in this world.
It’s a fucking sci-fi tv show Mark, it literally is a world of fiction

And my head was bursting so fucking bad and I threw away the pills in my most dramatic looking way and I went to bed and I wrote that:

I have a hard time accepting genetics.
Because I have a hard time accepting acceptance.
Because I can't tell the difference between giving up and walking away from a fight that you could win but won’t make you any happier if you do.

Maybe defeating a monster, not his throat you should slit.
It’s coming to terms how to live with it.
Grabbing a saddle and ride it into battle to befriend any other ghosts and slimy creatures and what not.

Shadow monster,
Demo-dog,
A voice in your head that says you might not be enough.

Lying in my bed being
so spaced out and out of touch with the real world and myself.

An unknown Dutch lame kind of spin-off of a singer lying drugged on the bed of the hotel.

I put my nightlight on and spent the night watching Youtube videos from guys who read too many self-help books, but seriously I think that they helped me too. (*RSDTyler and MaxDaSilva)

It’s now the 5th day off of that drug, I already feel less like I was hit by a truck, my headache is fading, maybe almost castrating myself with Propecia was the best thing that ever

happened to me in a "growing up" sort of way, let’s change this chord and make this part feel more okay because last night 1:30 at the Halloween party I was ‘just having fun’ for the first time my life and

I wasn’t thinking of girls or my looks, I was wearing the green cloak from Will O’ The Wisp
A blonde girl approached me she was dressed like a zombie and we talked and then she started flirting with me and I looked at my friend like "what is happening”.

I never kissed with strangers at parties and I always looked down on it because I always wanted to try it, and this pretty zombie girl kind of seemed up for it so we joyfully danced and eventually we kissed.

I just finished watching season 2 of Stranger Things, I watched the last episodes with this whole self-acceptance thing. I did not envy the hair of Joe Keery and I didn’t look at Natalia Dyer like I could never get her.